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22 January 2011

Headlines from the year 2029! (In a liberal world)

Ozone created by electric cars now killing millions in the seventh largest country in the world, Mexifornia formally known as California .

White minorities still trying to have English recognized as Mexifornia's third language.

Baby conceived naturally - - scientists stumped.

Couple petitions court to reinstate heterosexual marriage.

Iraq still closed off; physicists estimate it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.

France pleads for global help after being taken over by Jamaica .

Castro finally dies at age 112; Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has banned all smoking.

George Z. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.

Postal Service raises price of first class stamp to $17.89 and reduces mail delivery to Wednesdays only.

85-year, $75.8 billion study: Diet and Exercise is the key to weight loss.

Average weight of Americans drops to 250 lbs.

Japanese scientists have created a camera with such a fast shutter speed, they now can photograph a woman with her mouth shut. ( I just sent it. I didn't write it!)

Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.

Supreme Court rules punishment of criminals violates their civil rights.

Average height of NBA players now nine feet, seven inches.

New federal law requires that all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers must be registered by January 2036.

Congress authorizes direct deposit of formerly illegal political contributions to campaign accounts.

Capitol Hill intern indicted for refusing to have sex with congressman.

IRS sets lowest tax rate at 75 percent.

Florida voters still having trouble with voting machines.

Supreme Court Justice Brittney Spears ruling: First three marriages must be terminated within one month.

A Wichita, Kansas Christian woman is set to be exterminated in the electric chair on Christmas Day for failing to abort her healthy baby. Appeals are no longer considered constitutional in cases involving Christians.

AMA, CDC, and BATFE each conclude that fireworks, guns and cigarettes have had plenty of time to destroy the world, yet have not; each group voluntarily disbanded!

The first openly-Christian man was crucified yesterday for refusing to convert to Islam; more expected this week.

Posted by: TED at January 19, 2011 5:56 AM

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