Marriage is for old people

Ta da!

Like magic, my servants, I’m making another of God’s precious gifts to humanity disappear: marriage.  It’s been hard work, but I’m rewarded every day by casual unwed sex on television and off, glamorization of sex with multiple partners of either gender, and, as detailed in the article refered to below, hero status of unwed mothers. 

Marriage smarriage, I say.  And apparently a growing number of others say so as well!

Ha ha ha ha ha.

But it’s not really magic, my friends.  It took years, even decades, of persistent work on my part to get society to the point where not only are traditional notions of marriage passé, but perverted notions are protected from criticism and admired as progressive.

First I attacked God’s first and foremost creation–creation itself.  I’ve fairly well convinced smart people everywhere that the life created itself accidentally; and I’m working hard on the dumber people who don’t believe nonsense so readily.

And after I convinced people that God played no role in creation, it was relatively easy work chipping away at the rest of God’s purposeful handiwork, including his masterpiece of love, his model of Godly relationship, and his crowning achievement in Earth’s first week: the holy joining of a man and a woman in a lifelong sacred committment of mutual love and respect.

That’s why I was thrilled today, my servants, to read in the City Journal (the U.S.’s premier urban-policy magazine!) a delightful assessment of modern marriage entitled, “Nobody Gets Married Any More, Mister,” by Gerry Garibaldi.  Mr. Garibaldi beautifully describes the state of my affairs among high school students.  According to Garibaldi:

“Within my lifetime, single parenthood has been transformed from shame to saintliness. In our society, perversely, we celebrate the unwed mother as a heroic figure, like a fireman or a police officer.”

Yes, God’s shame is my saintliness, my servants.  Babies having babies is almost cliché.  And the beat goes on.

I urge you to read Garibaldi’s complete article, my servants.  It is superb in its bittersweet assessment of my will on earth as it is in Hell.

I have succeeded in engineering social policy that encourages unwed mothers, teen pregnancy, and deadbeat dads.  I do this through a combination of fostering cultural rejection of all things remotely Judeo-Christian, including marriage, and acceptance of all things otherwise sexually inclined.

No longer do government policies tend toward strengthening marriages.  No longer to social policies work toward discouraging premarital sex.  No longer to legal frameworks foster monogamy and faithfulness.

I have public schools teaching all the little chillins that sex with anyone anytime is normal, with “safe” being the only reluctantly stressed modifier of behavior.  I have parents that have little or no moral compass to help their own teenagers resist the onslaught of sexual imagery found in every popular teen magazine.  On top of that I have the Home Sex Network (which runs on virtually every television channel featuring prime time, prime demographic programming) streaming 24/7 into homes, eyes, and ears. 

And on top of even that, every little chillen under government supervision is guaranteed to never hear an alternative based on their being a special creation of a God who created them for a very different, but healthy and fulfilling sexual lifestyle.

Do you see, my servants, how I have turned society on itself?

Children cannot be given an aspirin by school officials, but these same officials can facilitate an abortion without parental notification.  Children are taught safe sex as schools fret over rising teen pregnancies, but no one–not parents, not teachers, not administrators–can even hint at abstinence without being ridiculed.  Young adults are taught that marriage is an outdated social norm and unnecessary.  Selfish guys leverage this notion to trick naïve girls into believing they both gain the benefits of marriage without committment, almost always to her, and her baby’s, detriment.

You see!  I’m good.  I’m really good.  And no one on earth seems to be able to stop me.

Ha ha ha ha ha.

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