The great Oscar Wilde play Dorian Gray depicts an evil man whose sweet, innocent countenance remains untouched throughout his life while a painting of him hidden in his attic takes on all the marks of evil in his face due to his lecherous, wicked character. It does seem that in real life you can’t escape your character; one’s outsides eventually do match one’s insides. Never is that more apparent than with evil dictators (and methamphetamine or crack users, but that’s another article).
Case in point is the world’s most recent example. See this handsome man? Isn’t he charming looking? Can’t you see how a man with this much charisma took over a nation? Who is that handsome devil?
Don Draper's got nothin' on me!
Handsome is as handsome does!
Gah! Yes, it’s Gaddafi. Eventually, after 40 years of being a cruel and vicious dictator, Gaddafi went on to become one of the ugliest people on Planet Earth. His face looks like it’s melting. He looks like that Nazi in Indiana Jones when he opens the sacred arc and his face melts off. Or like that cockroach alien from Men in Black, except instead of wearing an Edgar Suit, he’s wearing a Gaddafi Suit that doesn’t quit fit.
Is my Michael Jackson wig on straight?
Apparently some of his last words were, “Don’t you know right from wrong?” Look in the mirror, Gaddafi, you surely didn’t.
Another guy who was recently captured in a hole was this guy:
When my MGM contract is up, I'm going to become an evil dictator.
Who is that? The handsome actor Errol Flynn?
Doh! No, it’s that crazy homeless lunatic looking guy, Saddam Hussein.
Down, Fang!!
I gotta be honest, I think Saddam came out better than Gaddafi, but still. After 24 years of torturing and murdering and launching chemical weapons, that once handsome youth turned into a Hagrid lookalike.
The good thing about writing this article is that it’s hard to run out of examples. There sure are a lot of dictators to choose from! Here is one that gives me a lot of personal satisfaction:
Okay, so Hugo Chavez never was very handsome. He kind of always looked like a petulant dictator. In fact, this is the youngest picture I could find of Chavez and he’s not really young in it. I guess he sprung fully formed as a bloated, baby-faced dictator. But now he looks like this:
I'll get you Han Solo!
His outsides are starting to match his insides, his body is starting to match his character. Oh s*it, am I making fun of someone with cancer? Yes, yes I am. Rot in hell, Chavez. Hopefully sooner rather than later.
Next there’s this cutiepatootie! Look at his happy, delightful, chubby-cheeked expression! Don’t you just want to take him home and feed him milk and cookies?
Better not. If you did he just might bite your fingers off. Too bad this cute kid’s father was insane, and left him a dictatorship to boot, because he turned out like this:
"Gimmie milk and cookies now dammit!"
Kim Jong Il is simply the epitome of the baby faced, evil-eyed dictator. Okay, so this picture is really of a puppet Kim Jong Il from the movie Team America. I could have easily included a real picture of him and gotten the same effect.
Europeans have had their dictators too, but they don’t seem to live long enough for their evil ways to catch up to their visages. There is at least one example, however; there’s Enver Hoxha, communist dictator of Albania for 41 years and best buds with Joseph Stalin. So, all around great guy! What a handsome youth!
Enver Hoxha eventually looked like this:
Wait, what!? Is that Ralph Lauren?
Okay, I guess those suave Europeans are immune to the effects. Although upon his death in 1985 they did find a portrait painting in Hoxha’s attic that could have been of him, except that it looked so evil.
